Crap on a Page

Cherubs are evil!!!!

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 18:19:26 GMT

Okay...so I'm in my store. Working the morning shift. I'm working it alone because my manager took the day off. (She just got back from a big thing in Toronto with all the other managers and needs some time to get over jet-lag. Fair enough.) I normally love working the day shifts alone. It's a nice easy morning with a few regulars and I can putter about. A good time is had by all.

However...this morning there is a table out front of my store...and on said table is a red cherry table cloth with a stack of green cookie boxes. Very innocent. You see a table with these boxes you think hey people will be selling them. Perhaps I will even buy one. They aren't bad cookies. All in all I'd say they were rather good cookies.

Don't get me wrong I couldn't care less if people sell stuff outside my store...however...the creatures that happen to be selling these boxes of innocent, tasty cookies are small...perhaps 4 foot at best and they all happen to have the same wispy blonde hair...(and I do find that amusing)...with big ol' eyes...that have the same effect on me as cherubs. (I hate cherubs...they are so fat and cute you just know that they have little pointed teeth and in the dark their eyes glow that deep red. I'm sure they would giggle just before they ripped out your jugular.)

Now these small creatures are chanting the same thing over and over again. This has happened once before and I'm sure I posted it in here at that time. Their chants will haunt me well into the night. "girl guide cookies for sale, yea!" I will admit the first time this happened it was almost cute...in that little girl sorta way...but the longer they chanted the closer they look like little cherubs. I hate cherubs...and I think these little girls are just as evil.

It doesn't seem to matter how many times you ask them to...lower their voices...it goes soft for a few minutes and then they are dancing and shouting...out in the hall. I want to strangle them!!! (And yes they do dance and circle about one another. While their voices say the same thing over and over and by fucking god I want to kill them!!!) Ahem.

On another note...Why do people keep going on about the Canadian price difference. Why oh why? Yes I know it's doing better than the US...Yes I know it's unfair that we still have to pay more. Yes I understand that it's frustrating. However...I still have to pay the price printed on the book. Everyone else has to pay the price on the book. So why do you think you can haggle with me, or tell me to change it for you? Do I look like I own this monster of a company? If I did would I be here? I can't change the prices for you. I can listen to you. I can give you a number of places you can call if you want to rant. But it isn't going to change the price.

They are trying. They are. (Or so they keep telling us...) So I'm sorry but you are just going to have to wait like the rest of us.

And to the lady who bought the big computer book back in April. No I can't take it back. I'm sorry it's not the right one for your computer. I am. But I can see that you've used the book...you just pulled a yellow sticky out of it. We have a 14 day return policy...months do not come into it. And yes it is on the back of your bill. Coming and asking another co-worker is not going to change the answer. It's still no.

Damn I just got asked what I was going to be for Halloween...I haven't the faintest. I also have no money...so it should be...interesting.

No longer home

Sun, 29 Jul 2007 16:29:31 GMT

If anyone wonders where I’ve been for the past couple weeks I’ve been moving out of my house. It’s been an…interesting time and I’m happy that I’m pretty much settles at this point. I also managed to lose my cell phone. I found it yesterday as I was unpacking…I don’t how I managed to pack it into one of my boxes…but I’m special.

We all know that. My kitty is doing well in her new home and although I had to get rid of my large fish tanks. But I have a little one with my frogs in it and my cat fish so that’s awesome! Besides it’ll be really easy to clean. So the only way to get a hold of me now is by cell phone or to leave me an email (or something to that affect on a web page).

I hope this works out!!

I hate everyone!

Thu, 14 Jun 2007 04:53:59 GMT

Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beer with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to was buy some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone (4x)

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you its true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

A long Week.

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 05:18:59 GMT

Hmmm...maybe I should up date a bit more often…

Anyway, my throat didn’t get well the next day…the pain went away and I was all fine and dandy is…a little off my game but alright…by Monday I noticed that I was having some issues again and drank some more tea thinking it would piss off in the near future.

Tuesday…on Tuesday my sisters water broke and she was taken to the hospital. (Having baby in hospital kinda goes hand in hand) The baby had decided that it wanted to be out a month early and ended up surprising…everyone. Her husband was out of town and thought we were joking when we kept telling him that his wife is in the hospital having their first baby.

Wednesday, I lost my voice…Oh it’s fun working in customer service unable to take time off with the ever so helpful customers telling me I should a) go home, b) see a doctor or c) that is sounds like I have a bit of a cold. No shit. I could barely make enough noise to tell you what the total was. You think that all of the above might of ran through my head at one time or another? Anywho, the baby (Caleb, as he was named) was born at about 7:05 that morning. He’s all off 5 pounds and has to be kept on oxygen but the doctors think he’ll be fine. I also trekked down to my doctor and she gave me pills so the throat infection would die.

Okay, so everything seemed fine. On Thursday Joyce smacked herself getting out of the van. She got herself right between the eyes. We all laughed, because hey who doesn’t when you see or do something klutzy. She did happen to have a sinus infection that she was battling at the time.

Friday went by without much notice. I went over to Alex’s house with the expectation that there might be a gathering sometime on Saturday and nothing more on my mind. Ahem.

Saturday night. Nothing came of the previous plan of said gathering. Lol, we tend to be a bit unorganized as a group. I was playing Mario Party 8 for the Wii and getting a bit tipsy (Kicking ass by the way.) That’s when I got the call that Joyce was being taken to the hospital by ambulance and would I please come home with Alex and watch the house and dogs. Okay. Nothing sobers you up faster than an emergency of WTF proportions.

So…Needless to say I couldn’t sleep. I popped in a movie and we watched that until about 2 in the morning before I took pity on poor Alex who sat up with me and we headed down to bed. (I must say 2 people in a single bed doesn’t work very well…) I still couldn’t sleep…but I got very familiar with my ceiling once again. Dad came home around 3…ish…and I must of passed out shortly there after.

I woke up on Sunday around 8:30 unable to get back to sleep and not wanting to get up. (My house is far too noisy in the morning…) Turns out when Joyce bumped her head on Thursday she ruptured some blood vessels and damaged some tissue that just happened to let the sinus infection run rampage in her head. It moved from the sinus cavity and went up into her head. There’s a name for it and it starts with a C but I can’t think of it at the moment. They rushed her to hospital after going to the second clinic because they thought the infection had moved into the soft tissue of her brain that would inevitably cause death. Thankfully it isn’t as bad as all that.

She’s allergic to penicillin…it makes treating this a bit harder…not being able to use the regular treatments and all…but she has shown improvement meaning she is responding. She was even able to open her eye today…she can’t see out of it very well…but she can open it a little…Her head swelled up like a balloon…good ol’ infection was having a party.

And now I’m tired. And I’ll be 22 on Saturday. Meh. Tired.

So that’s my week…uhm I have a cell now…uhm…and I’m heading to bed.

Things seem to be calming down now…

Tue, 22 May 2007 16:29:59 GMT

I have a bit of a cold but I will not let it kick my ass. I will conquer this thing before it interrupts my life. My throat is a bit raw and I feel very fuzzy in the head but I'll drink tea and take pills and it will be gone by tomorrow because I have stated thus and so it shall be!

Ahem. Anyway, all us girls need to gather together sometime in the future. I'm not saying this weekend but perhaps the weekend after this one or sometime near that. It doesn't have to be a day thing just a couple hours out at night with friends and all will be well with the world. Besides I haven't seen some of you in ages. Even if you do happen to live all of a block away. Funny how that works.

Well I'm off to work. (I might even look into getting a cell phone so people can get a hold of me. Might be nice, eh?)

Wed, 16 May 2007 22:48:27 GMT

Work has been a little...different of late. The change comes from my manager not being there. To be honest it's nice for awhile...but now I miss having someone else I can call upon. I'm tired of being in charge. I like it when I can leave the problems to someone else and know that they will get well...handled. Jean's Husband has been sick for the past 2 weeks. So it's very understandable that she would want to spend time with him. Sadly he passed away...and I must say I miss having her around. I really hope she's alright. For the loss of words...all I can say is it sucks.

Other than that life has been good. I'm enjoying myself and company. I'm spending a little too freely...but sometimes it's nice to spend money on you for the sake of being able too. Hehe!

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 04:00:17 GMT

http://friends.imagini.net/vdna.php?uid=658675-5d22&srv=iwebhd3&d=activate

;p

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 05:45:42 GMT

I’m tired of whining…From myself and others. I’m not talking about the every day little things (although Luke is getting on my nerves…but that’s a different story) I’m talking big picture. The world and then some. I know everyone needs to vent. I’m glad I can be there for you. I really am. But some people just take advantage of that and I’m not here to fix your problems. I can’t do that. I can try to help…but that won’t make them go away.

So enough of the trivial whine and the rant that brings people down. I just want to type.

I’m happy that I can live on the weekends. I find it amusing how it never really mattered to me before, in fact I hated being home on the weekends. Maybe “hate” is too strong a word…I found it tiring to be home on the weekends…But now I’m relaxed on the couple days I have off and I’m enjoying myself more.

I find myself looking to the future not with the dread that use to settle upon my shoulders…but instead, with a quite calm and the knowledge that I can face whatever may come my way. Will it be hard? Yes. Will there be times where life will chew me up and spit me back out? Of course. But I’ll get through it.

There are many things I’ve still got to do before I’ll be completely happy with myself. But I know what they are and I know how to work on them. I know that I may never be truly content…but I’m okay with that. Life’s not perfect and neither am I.

I may not know what I want in life, or what I’m going to do for a living…but I know I’ll live my life…I’ll enjoy the beauty of the blissful moments where one is truly happy.

With all my imperfections, with all my faults I know what I do have. I know that I can handle a lot with the help of friends who are closer than any family I know. I know I can count on myself to get up after I’ve fallen…and most of all I know that life’s not really so bad. As they say…After every downpour there’s the sun.

A bad rant on philosophy and other crappy references…but I’m okay with that. ;p

Mood music...

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 05:43:30 GMT

You lie silent there before me
Your tears they mean nothing to me
The wind howling at the window
The love you never gave I give to you
But really don't deserve it
But now there's nothing you can do
So, sleep in your only memory
Of me, my dearest mother

Chorus
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I dispised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh no)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

So insignificant sleeping dormant deep inside of me
Are you hiding away, lost under the sewers?
Maybe flying high in the clouds?
Perhaps you're happy without me
So many seeds have been sown in the field
And who could sprawl up so blessedly, If I had died
I would have never felt sad at all
You will not hear me say "I'm sorry"
Where is the light? I Wonder if it's weeping somewhere...

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I dispised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh no)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I dispised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh no)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I dispised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh no)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I dispised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh no)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Room Of Angel By Akira Yamaoka & Mary Elizabeth McGlynn

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 02:33:37 GMT

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle/Random
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

Opening credits
“Come To You” Pagan Saints- Okay…maybe…I wouldn’t of thought of that as an opening song…but you know…it kinda works.

Waking up
“Finale” from Wicked- Lol. Okay…fair enough.

First day at school
“All I Really Want” Alanis Morissette- Hmmm…That might work…uhm…All I really wanted was to get the hell out of school.

Falling in love
“Adiemus” Karl Jenkins- Oh! Pretty! I can live with this one.

Breaking up
“Do You Have A Little Time” Dido- Huh…doesn’t that come off as desperate. The girl that you passed by…huh.

Prom
“Fundamentum” Lesiem- Now that would be a good prom!!

Life's ok
“Sparkling Diamonds” From the Moulin Rouge- LOL!!! Okay I wasn’t expecting that. Diamonds apparently make everything better!

Break Down
“Baby Skin Tattoo” From Moist- Interesting…

Driving
“You Oughta Know” Alanis Morissette- Yeah, that I don’t drive! (Oh and the gods smite me for that one.)

Flashback
“You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth” Meat Loaf- What am I flashing back to? I mean by the sounds of this song it’s a good memory so, hey I’ll take that!

Getting Back Together
“Hello” From Evanescence- Depressing…much?

Wedding
“The Show Must Go On” Queen- Yes that’s right because I know that even if all hell breaks loose we are getting through that day. So help me God. (thankfully it’s a very long way off!)

Sex Scene
“I’m No Angel” Dido- Huh…interesting…

Birth of a child
“Oceans” Pear Jam- I honestly don’t know what to say about this one…*shrug*

Final Battle
“A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste” Meat Loaf-I will defeat you with my kiss! Take that! HA!

Death Scene
“Not Like The Other Girls” Rasmus-?- okay…well…okay…

Funeral Song
“Disco Days” Moist- That would work…wow…creepy.

Dance Sequence
“Ghost Love Score” Nightwish-If I could dance this would be awesome!

Closing Credits
“Village Lanterne” Blackmore’s Night- So sad…and yet…hopeful. Cool.

A world so like our own...

Tue, 27 Mar 2007 06:29:46 GMT

If I whispered in your ear of a place where imagination was the foundation of reality, would you want to visit? If the painting on the wall could stretch and sever its tenacious bonds to the canvas with a simple wisp of belief…Would you want to take a gander through the valleys of thought? Wondering through radiant ideas that have taken their first breaths…feeling the warmth of the suns rays beating down upon their tender flesh.

If there was a place where you only had to believe in things and they’d come true. The laws of the world would bend to your will. Faith being the only thing you need to make all your wishes and wildest dreams come true. Think of all the wonderful things you could have at your finger tips…you could create paradise. Maybe you just want to be free with silver wings to glide upon and the wind in your hair. Perhaps you’d want to change yourself into that butterfly you never thought you where. Or…maybe, you just wanted to see that purple unicorn one last time…

The untainted souls would be the ones with the most ease to dream. Those who have yet to understand reality and it’s cruelties to the fullest. Children would be the most sought after commodity…their naivety and instant trust used by those seeking power. Their innocence turned into entwining twists of hate, darkening their minds and tarnishing their souls with humanities filth. One child could heal those in pain with a tender look. Their joy could make the winter end and spring blossom in an instant. And as surly as there would be those who seek harmony, there would be those who seek destruction. Light must have its dark…Sorrow its joy…every action must have a counter action…

Think of those nightmares that terrified you when you where little…The ones that made you wake up in a cold sweat with a scream caught in your throat… monsters lurking in your closet or under your bed. What if every terror that sought you out in the night was as real as the cold that bites at your finger tips? What would happen if the demons that stalk your dreams didn’t just fade into the background of your mind but jumped into reality? What would happen if you could take hold of those terrors and force them upon another…making them rend another’s flesh. Oh, what monstrosities you could create. The people you could get back at with the perversion of the mind…and why does it have to be your mind when there are others who will suit just fine?

Age would take away the wonder of the world…Now that you know what exists in the dreams of others and in your own. The older you became the less control you have over your creations…your ability to make things real would fade as reality took hold. Responsibility and maturity sinks into the depth of the mind and your faith in the world around you fades. Looking back at the frivolous desires of your youth with a quite disgust for your own naivety…how you use to believe in things like fairness and goodwill. That you now shake your head at as childish…

It’s funny how we get so jaded with age…how our minds echo the thoughts of another with out or even being aware. Words ringing from a distant mouth ‘That’s foolish, silly or down right wrong’ and no matter how hard you try to push away their spiteful comments they stick like burrs to a wool sock. Adding their slander and shame to your own until you can no longer distinguish the difference... Shading your light heart with their shadows, like snow turning to slush in the gutter.

Despite all that you’ve come to know over the years…don’t you yearn for the wondrous joys of your imagination…how you could create a world to live in and friends to keep you company…In this world all you needed was faith in your dreams and they would stay with you…beside you…Believe in them and…yourself.

I know the years have taken their toll…somehow the awful images always stay sharper than the wondrous moments. The pain lingers longer than the radiance of joy…Anther scar etched onto your soul. With life’s years you call yourself an adult…twisted and corroded you have withstood the test of time…losing only the innocence and naivety of youth…Have you stopped noticing the wonder around you? Have you walked past the flowers because you couldn’t find the time?

Amusing…musing…looking at the world we’ve made. Look at how proud we are to have created so much throughout our short lives…Isn’t it just heart warming. We all lost the courage to believe and now look where its lead us. Where are you now?

Take that from me.

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 00:31:27 GMT

Do you ever get tired of the same old song and dance. Tired of the run around and last chance. I’m tired of hearing the same shit over and over again. I’m tired of helping out only to be shot down again. I’m sick of hearing how I should of done better (I know that, but thanks again for that reminder.) For once I’d like to hear that my thoughts mattered or maybe just a whisper to know you’re really there for me. This is disgusting I know and I really just need to let go. But I think I’ll take the wisdom from a song, “because if that’s love it comes at much too high a cost!”

I’m going to live my life how I want to and no one who is or was, is ever gonna bring me down! I’ll try defying gravity and if I happen to stumble and fall… I may not be able to count on you, but I do have friends who love me for who I am. I know that if nothing else they will stand beside me as I drag myself up to my knees once more. Dust off the grime and start again. I may not get everything I want from home, or everything I need…but I know who I am. It’s time to see what I can be.

Helloes

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 02:31:40 GMT

Okay an update…Uhm…what am I doing…not what I’m suppose to be doing…heh. Okay it was funny on my side. On March 9th I will be in a play at Calgary’s one act festival. (Pumphouse Theater) Should be fun! (As long as I learn my lines…heh.) Work is still work…there’s really not much I can say about that. I still have urges to kill or maim my boss…but they pass as soon as a customer asks me a question…or rather the rage transfers to a different focus point.

Lines, lines, lines…ugh…I need to know them. I have to do that ASAP. I also have to clean my poor fish’s tanks…Poor fish…Uhm…so I’m not home much of late…or at least not for long…I shall have more spare time come mid March or so.

Alex is wonderful…there’s a whole rant I’m sure I could go into…but it’s nothing you haven’t heard or thought of yourself.

No more of this shit!

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 06:33:40 GMT

If any other customer tells me I need to change my "attitude" I will tell them exactly what I'm thinking. That's a promise.

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 06:05:38 GMT

Little girl, little girl why do you smile
Have all the monsters gone for awhile

Little girl, little girl why do you hide
They may beat you, but they can’t reach inside

Little girl, little girl why are so you alone
Don’t let them make your heart turn into stone

Little girl, little girl why do you cry
Demonic faces grin, spinning their lies

Little girl, little girl wipe away those tears
They will do nothing but strengthen your fears

Little girl, little girl why do you scream
The pain will make you numb so you can dream

Little girl, little girl come away with me
Step into my mirror and we will be free

Little girl, little girl reach out your hand
I promise to hold you and together we’ll stand

Little girl, little girl together we shine
We can face this endless night and still be fine

I wrote this many years ago...

I have an entertaining head cold at the moment...life seems to be picking up momentum and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Change is good they say...so I might as well just roll with it. I met a new fellow who's name is Alex. He seems like a nice guy...and we'll see how that goes. I'd forgotten how much of a pain in the ass it is to memorize lines...funny that.

There seems to be so many things I should be doing right now...and I'm putting it off like the procrastinator I am. Heh. I've lost tuch with a lot of people...I'm not sure how I feel about that...sad, a little...but not much more...I guess it fades with time?

Within Temptation

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 08:30:48 GMT

Julian

I've been dreaming for so long,
to find a meaning to understand.
The secret of life,
why am I here to try again?

Will I always, will you always
see the truth when it stares you in the face?
Will I ever, will I never free myself
by breaking these chains?

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way.

I've been living for so long,
many seasons have past me by.
I've seen kingdoms through ages
rise and fall, I've seen it all.

I've seen the horror, I've seen the wonders
happening just in front of my eyes.
Will I ever, will I never free myself by making it right?

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way.

Julian our dream ended long ago.
All our stories and all our glory I held so dear.
We won't be together
for ever and ever, no more tears.
I'll always be here until the end.

(Julian, no more tears...
Julian, no more tears...)

I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back, it's my fault.
Your destiny is forlorn,
have to live till it's undone.
I'd give my heart, I'd give my soul.
I'd turn it back and then at last I'll be on my way.

Sharon has such a lovely voice...(to see this song with clips from Serenity go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkmgsksTT4A)

Today my co-worker informed me that when he first met me he pictured me as a teacher...not just any teacher either...but one who teaches little children...*shudder* Thanks.

Vent

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 01:51:23 GMT

How does “I’m not sure what we have in common” turn into me insulting a persons intelligence? If you happen to have an IQ of 161, good for you. The fact that you had to tell me exactly how smart they label you as, says more about you than I wanted to know. That still doesn’t tell me what we have in common. You like to learn, great…that’s just fantastic. I’m glad that you do and that you’re happy with the way your life is going.

Tell me, why do I happen to know a hell of a lot more about you, than you know about me? When I tried to talk, you cut me off. So I stopped talking about anything real and kept to mindless small talk. You also told me 3 times that you have wealthy parents…in one evening, the one evening I’ve ever spent with you and I heard that 3 times…not to mention the times you told me you don’t have to worry about school, or even starting up your business because well…you know…

Suddenly my semi mild awkwardness seems to be a lot closer to resentment…who would of thought. Just had to vent…

On a different note, the next person who comes in to the store to ask me if I can phone Sears and see if they can “squeeze me in for a bit of a trim” is going to get a very snarky comment. I work in a book store. I am not your personal secretary and I do not make hair appointments…ever. I certainly will not look in the phone book for their number. You have to legs and a heart beat. Walk down the mall and ask them face to face for yourself!

P.S. The next time someone snaps at me I will snap back and I don’t care what happens after that.

Halloween!!!!

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 06:17:25 GMT

I'm working tomorrow from 1-9 and yes folks I will be passin out free candy. Oh I'm also dressing up. I love Halloween! I have a lot to still get done. Happy Halloween. (if you're in the mall stop by)

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 00:17:00 GMT

I’m tired of planning things. I plan them out and try and get people to come along…and every one bails at the last minute. I understand that everyone has lives and things that are always more important than spending a few hours out with friends. I get it. However it’s getting a little repetitive.

If some one wants to get a hold of me you have my number.

(Yes, I’m acting like a five year old and I don’t care.)

Alone, is human

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 04:19:33 GMT

There’s one part of being human
That’s always to be alone

Alone in your head
Alone with your fears
Alone with your desires
And lengthy years

You can share a bit here and there
You can answer someone else’s prayers
You can even take the time to bare your soul
And let people know exactly how you feel
But there’s always some part of you that will be alone

You may have found a loved one
Some one to be your other half
But even they can’t be inside you all the time
And see the crisscrossing scars you have

Listen to yourself
Listen to your friends
But in the end
We are all left to fend
For ourselves

Alone in your mind
Can lead to your demise
If you step aside
And try and hide
Your thoughts will fallow
Leaving you hollow
In an empty room

Drinks and drugs can’t make it go away
Just stave it off for another day
But in the end you’re still tend to cry
At night when no one can see
Your lack of empathy

For it’s hard to care
When all that’s there
Is your barren heart
Left to beat
In an encompassing abyss
Where every one seems to miss
Exactly who you are

A shining star
A lovers dream
A fantasy
A family’s stone
All on your own…

You are what you are
You will always have to bear
The scares on your soul
That twist your mind
And darken your dreams…

Just believe
That you can succeed
And maybe it won’t be
As terrible as it seems…

There’s always hope

Playing around...trying to just write what's in my head instead of what sounds best on the page...

Too Much

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 03:28:10 GMT

I’m tired of being strong
I’m tired of holding on
I’m tired of being your stone
For you to lean on

You come to me with your desperate needs
You show me your heart that bleeds
But you won’t let me be
Always whispering at me
Your devastation pulls me down
Back onto the ground
Holds me there, never to be found

Your blood mingles with mine
So wrapped up in your mind
Never seeing the pain you leave
Never letting me be

I can take a lot
I can take all you’ve got
I can take this onslaught
Leaving me distraught

Battered and bruised
I struggle to stand up
My wisdom refused
And you won’t letup

The cuts constantly seep
Eyes that can’t cease to weep
Until the blood is waist deep
I beg you to cease

But you won’t listen to my pleas
You have your own dark destiny
And you have forsaken me
So you can be free

Desperately clinging to all that’s me
As your soul bears down on me
Taking with it a piece of myself
Adding it to you growing wealth

Taking me for everything I have
Why didn’t I see, I must have been mad
Crimson soon swells over my head
Off you go leaving me for dead

But I won’t give you the satisfaction
Of leading me to self destruction
Fighting to keep my head above
What I once thought was love

I thought the poem I did before this one was much better...but less people thought so...huh. Anyway...I started it off thinking something else and ended on love...huh...

Listening to music...

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 22:31:10 GMT

I wrote this while listening to "Memories" by Within Temptation. Playing around with some words...I'm having issues with meter...and rhym...haven't written in soo long...but it feels good to put something on...deviant art again...

Hallow House

Once there was love
In this hallow home
A place from above
Visiting in stone

Warmth for the heart
Shone through the walls
An energetic start
Cooling with fall

Innocent at first
A pleasant word
A stinging curse
It’s all so absurd

You did something wrong
It’s all your fault
Just stay strong
Little blood with salt

Swelling day by day
Darkest at night
Let it go away
It’ll soon be right

Shiver with cold
As the winter grows
Smelling of mold
It comes from below

Rooms once full of light
Left in a candles glow
Flickering in fright
You reap what you sow

The demon comes
And you shrink inside
Anger that hums
It’s time to decide

Once there was love
In this hollow home
A place from above
Visiting in stone

But that time is gone
Let the memories fade
Darkest before dawn
Structure decayed

And you got out
As it all fell apart
These cards you’re dealt
Left scars on the heart

But it’s okay
Because maybe one day
The house will be real
And not just façade

Yes I know not the best thing I've ever done...

crappy poem

Fri, 20 Oct 2006 05:16:35 GMT

Youth Tomorrow

Youth, it screams
A dying dream
Of what might have been

Hemorrhaging
Unforgiving
Your relinquishing

Turn away
Nothing to say
Your fears kept at bay

Never hear
Pain that sears
Wouldn’t want to fear

Truth that binds
Our desperate times
All these crimson signs

When will we
Start to believe
In what we perceive

Destiny
Will never be
Until we can see

Today and not just tomorrow…

I was tired when I wrote it, and after reading it I realize that I've left too much out for anyone to have any idea of what I'm getting at...oh well...

A plan

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 03:50:28 GMT

I never realized how much not knowing was stressing me out. I have a plan now. An idea of where I want to go…it’s so much nicer than leaving it all up to fate, or what have you. (I never liked the idea of fate…of having a set destination in mind for a person…some path predetermined before you even came to be…I guess the concept scares me…I’ll leave it at that.)

I’m not sure if everything will work out, but I’m willing to work for it. I want it and therefore I will go for it. I think my idea, goal, plan, is a realistic one…one that I might actually be good at. I’m tired of being nobody, I’m ready to jump off that cliff to see what happens. I want it…I’m not afraid to as for help if I need it. I’m not worried about how I may look. I’m tired of being scared to be me. I’m sick of pretending.

If you want to get together sometime give me a shout, otherwise I assume you’re life is hectic (usually the case) and you just don’t have time. I’m here if you need me, but I won’t wait. For those who are close, I thank you for your support and understanding…for being able to put up with me. You know who you are!

But I have a plan, a goal…and even if it takes me until I’m 27 to do it…I’m willing to see it through. I could of/should of done things differently, but even if I went back…I know I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve made choices and I can live with them. Isn’t that what life is? Making choices you can live with? There’s never any real wrong or right…just livable…choices that let you sleep at night when there’s no where else to run…and you’re stuck with yourself…all night long…

Ramble, ramble, ramble. I’m not sure if I’m happy…but happier…and you know…that’s alright. I can live with that…I can live with me…

LOL, what a bunch of crap this entry is!

Good thing I don't make money off of writing!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 06:16:16 GMT

So many people and so much crap, you get over one thing and another falls in your lap. (I didn’t mean to make that rhyme…) But it’s a constant struggle. You just learn to cope. Coping is what life’s about. Right? It could be…Damn I should sleep more…the less sleep I have the more appealing stupid things seem.

I can’t complain. I know it can always get worse and I’m handling things great. So what’s the problem? I donno. I’m not sure there is one…I just don’t feel like…me. Maybe I’m catching a cold.

Think positive and surround yourself with positive people and you’ll have nowhere to go but up…or so someone told me. True? Maybe…being positive is exhausting…

What am I saying here…I haven’t the faintest…I’m just overly tired and writing to pass the time…or rambling…